What a Difference A Day Makes

Sometimes life gets hard and sometimes you listen to the wrong voices in your head. And sometimes you do that for a LONG TIME. 

Management has been changing at my job and it has been hard for everyone. I have always said over and over that I love change. I do!  I love changing my hair, my nails, my hobbies... but I thought these changes were just too much. I didn't like the way things were being handled, so I complained. I commiserated with anyone and everyone who also felt unfairly treated by the situation. And I complained to anyone else who would listen and back me up, to make me feel justified in my negativity. Someone called me this, someone else did that, so and so said this, I refuse to do that... Selfish. Self-absorbed. Negative. Satan's ways. I was angry, and I was going to drag everyone down with me.

Today I came to work with low expectations and wary of an unfamiliar coworker from our other location. I felt I needed to work extra hard because I was being watched and didn't want a negative report to be given to the person in charge. I soon realized that this was not the case. This coworker worked hard. Harder than I ever thought I could work. His example spread joy and motivated others to work hard. He treated the people beneath him with kindness and respect. He knew the job that was expected of him and he went above and beyond the call of duty to accomplish it. He did the duties of the lowest of the low and did it with a smile. He smiled and lifted customers left and right. When we were short staffed, he offered to stay after a bit to help me. He stayed AN HOUR AND A HALF longer than he was scheduled because the job wasn't done. Even after we called it quits for the night, 90 minutes after the store had closed, he offered to come in and finish tomorrow night, the one day we're not open, or even Monday morning. Whatever he needed to do to support his employer and create a clean, happy environment for his coworkers, he would do it. It seemed like all of my recent interactions with my superiors ended in anger, fear, or sadness. I was at my wits end- I couldn't handle it anymore. This coworker, this BOSS treated me as an equal, even as an important leader. 

Tonight's lesson of humility and love has hit me hard. It's something I can't explain.God's lessons come when you need them. I had lost sight of me. Satan had a hold of my heart and I didn't do anything about it. The best version of myself, the real me, the me that Heavenly Father sees, is an optimist. She's happy, she loves serving others, and can be happy anywhere. I am so thankful that my Father in Heaven told me to snap out of it! I have a job to do. Even if I am treated unfairly, or treated with anger or disrespect, I will continue to be me and serve in the capabilities I have committed to. If I need to remove myself from the situation, I will, but until then, I have a job to do as a daughter of God and a disciple of Christ.

Human Interaction

I've had a hard time at work recently and don't want to be there. I'm not dedicated to the job and can't seem to find motivation to work hard. This motivation thing isn't just a work problem, but a life problem for me right now. I constantly question what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.


Today one of my favorite customers came in that I haven't seen in a long time. This cute older gentleman will always look for me and tell me one of the most corny jokes of all time. I love it. He made my day. I love working with the public because I love people. I love human interaction! Each person on this planet has their own story! I love being able to share it with them! I can do this job! I just need to step outside of myself and interact with them! Remember that Lauren!

Magic

Someone made magic for me today. :) Free meal. Free drink. Free happiness. :)

Patriotism

You know, I've never found myself to be much of a Patriot. I knew the importance of our Country, of the necessary armed forces, but I didn't have enough faith or for some reason just couldn't grasp my place within all of that. I love my country, but how much? Would I die to save it? I've never been needed or asked to fight. The US was important to me, but it wasn't real. I probably started out naive and innocent then made the decision to be ignorant. The world was too ugly. I wanted my Disney happily ever after. I'm starting to realize that it isn't about the big romanticized idea of our "country" or the land we live on. This is the United States of America- its about our people- its about our family- the family of the United States of America. Yes, parts of it suck. There are problems everywhere and about everything, but this is a special place. I have freedoms here that others can only dream of. It's not a perfect system- we're not perfect people- but it is our system. If it doesn't work, lets fix it. And if others threaten it, we must stand our ground and, when necessary, fight back.


Side note: I love the arts. There are films and theatrical pieces that introduce me to and help me understand these principles when I would have little to no exposure on my own. What amazing gifts.

BABIES

Yesterday my friend needed a babysitter... I needed a baby. Problem solved. I watched Jack Jack from 12 to 3- took him to class with me even! It was a glorious occasion, and one I hope to repeat!

Also, we're learning about Maps with our 2nd graders so we're going to become Pirates today and follow maps for buried treasure! I LOVE THAT CLASS!

Also... the Bishop gave me donuts for my birthday. Heck to the yes.

There are small blessings everywhere that can cheer you up if you look for them and recognize them. I hadn't found a place to live yet because I had an opportunity fall apart was a little distracted by the play I was producing. I decided I'd figure it out eventually. But yesterday I had a mini heart-to-heart with a wonderful friend and she asked if I'd like to move into the basement with her. We'd have our own place, just the two of us and it sounds GLORIOUS! The Lord looks out for His children. :)

Lets Try This Again

I haven't posted on this blog in almost a year. Its time. I've been struggling with seeing the good so it's time to bring this out again. Most recent awesome things:

I PUT ON A FREAKING AMAZING PLAY AT BYU!
       Everyone loved it. I'm famous. Seriously, a random guy who also studies theatre started up a conversation with my roommate at her work and she asked if he knew me. He said, "Lauren Wilkins? The one who directed Wait Until Dark?" To which she responded, "Yeah, she's my roommate! Do you know her?" ... "Nope... but she put on an amazing show!!!" Check celebrity off my bucket list.
AND I GOT FULTON FUNDS TO PAY THE LICENCING FEES!
       They are paying me back $105 to help pay for my show! What a blessing!
AND I GOT NOMINATED TO RECIEVE THE THEATRE AND MEDIA ARTS OUTSTANDING STUDENT AWARD!
        I've been really struggling with my worth as a student and haven't felt like I could succeed. I felt like an awful student with no future... then I was nominated for an award/scholarship for my college. WOW. What a blessing!

I can do it! I can do hard things! Heavenly Father loves me! With his help I can do it! Also, its my birthday in a few days and I have the day off from work! My boys, my 3 guy friends are taking me... wait for it... TO SEE THE PREMIER OF CINDERELLA! Yep. They're that awesome.

Be cheerful. Its so much better than being sad. ;)

July... THE BEST MONTH EVER!!!

I have had so many things to cheer me up, I haven't had time to post here! To each of these angels mentioned below and all involved in making this month amazing, Thank you. You are a blessing in my life. I am so loved. My Father in Heaven loves me. It is so apparent. July 2014 has been one of the best, if not THE BEST, month of my life. 

• Started out the month with a Mother/Daughter date to a festival downtown! We wandered and giggled and ate and enjoyed ourselves! Dole Whips and Kettle Corn and special bonding time!
• A few days later I got to celebrate our wonderful country with my family. Yes, I worked on Independence Day/Night and didn't get to see the fireworks with the family, but we got to celebrate the day/night before bbq-ing and firework-ing. After work I went out and danced my heart out. I am so blessed to have a body that works, and to have found something I am good at and enjoy so much.
• Later that weekend I got together with extended family at the cabin- a long needed mini-vacation and had alone time in the hammock. I just sat there completely relaxed. My mind hadn't been that free in who knows how long!
• After that I was a counselor at Be The Best You- an amazing camp for girls, helping them to realize and achieve their full potential. God placed me there with those girls. I cannot believe all of the prayers answered and miracles I saw daily. I was closer to my Father than I had been in a LONG time. Those girls changed my life. I sincerely hope they Believe in themselves and in Christ. Not to mention the awesome BEYOND 5 CONCERT with these ladies! We did service and learned and played and grew together. One of the best weeks of my life.
• I had lots of sister time this month doing nails and shopping and babysitting... these ladies take care of me. I'm so glad we're all together for now! One of my sisters even rearranged a schedule that had been in the works for MONTHS so she could be a part of my schedule and special family time.
• I got a raise at work!
• We had another BBQ with family and made our own rootbeer from scratch! It was delicious and super fun!
• I went to the Jordan River Temple for the first time with twelve family members. 12 loving relatives supported me in a huge step in my spiritual progression. What a special experience! It was new, but I knew it was God's plan. The day ran smoothly and I knew that God wanted me there.
• I was able to perform at the conference center- sort of... I did voice over work for the Church. After I finished recording a testimony of President Monson, I found out that my recording was to be part of a piece specifically for President Monson about the Sabbath day and his influence! PRESIDENT MONSON WILL HEAR MY TESTIMONY OF HIM! So cool!!!
• Most temples are closed on Mondays, and if open, only for a few morning hours. Because of that recording session, I was unable to go to the temple. BUT, I went for the next two days and plan to go the rest of the days this week. I keep learning and loving and growing! I feel like I can conquer the world! Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are right beside me, helping me continue on!
• Also this month I had the privilege of going on many lunch/dinner dates with an old friend and was able to reconnect with and enjoy his company. We used that time to escape the craziness of life and relax and eat good food!
• Today a trip to Walmart turned into a reunion with a friend! All I wanted was to return something, but the timing worked out perfectly that I ran into a friend -nay- a SISTER of mine and was able to connect with her and her husband and feel the love and joy that comes from true friendship. We haven't really talked in months! But that didn't matter! They are my family and I love them. Thank you.

I see my Heavenly Father's hand everywhere! I feel His love. I feel my worth. I know He is proud of me for the decisions I have made to follow Him. Life has been so wonderful lately, I am almost scared that something will go terribly wrong. If it does- I CAN HANDLE IT! With Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ taking my hands, WE CAN DO IT! Yeah, life is hard, but there are so many more happy things to help us along! Today at work I was talking with a cute, young customer and he mentioned that the last time he came in, I was having a wonderful, cheerful day! He went on to say that I must have a lot of those. I responded with, I'd much rather have happy than sad! Who wants that? IT'S THE TRUTH! I am a happy person! No, I'm not perfect, and I do get discouraged, but I feel like I am generally happy! I was amazed that a customer could see and admire that! ... it also helped that he was cute ;) You know, I have had insecurities and car trouble and a swollen sausage finger this month, but they are forgotten as I think about the wonders of this month. WHO KNEW JULY WAS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME? I am blessed! I love it!